For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
