He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
