Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
last night I used snow as a chaser
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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