not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
