there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
