like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
