You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
