I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
