Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
