i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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