Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
