I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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