I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
