First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
