tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like heaven, but drunker
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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