Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
