he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
