Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
