So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
