I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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