There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
