I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hippo gnu deer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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