So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
