And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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