it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize