I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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