if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
3 2 1 whiskey
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
