just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
