So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Less talking, more tequila
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
