I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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