ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sober January is a disaster.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
