id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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