He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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