No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
