Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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