I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
