I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
