I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
