It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
