I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
