just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
