the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
