There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
