I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
