You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
