There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
