Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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