He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
