Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
