I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
