i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
