He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
