The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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