My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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