im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
