she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
