You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
