I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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