I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
