i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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