Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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