i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
