I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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