I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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