Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
