dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
