where am i from again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
