if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
