hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
