so explain again why im purple
no
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
