Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize