Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
