WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
