Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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