There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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