No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
be right there i have to get my cape
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I believe in your delicious
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
