I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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