You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's paint friendship bongs
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
