whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
