He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
