i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
