Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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