i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
